Summertime is Precious Time ... to Dream Dreams

by Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist

 

Summer time evokes thoughts of vacations, resting, swimming lessons, visiting relatives, and the like. Overall, people tend to think that summer time is a break, that all things school related can be put away. For families with two parents working, how to keep the kids "occupied" during the summer is the focus.

Summer camps, library programs, VBS, sports camps, these are all good, but not typically geared for teenagers. There are also colleges with programs for high school students, some of which are quite competitive.

What SHOULD your college bound teen do in the summer?

That depends... what are his or her goals? What does he or she want to accomplish in life?

Goals drive everything. How can our teens come to know their goals?

Here's an exercise that takes a couple of hours. (I've adapted Jordan Peterson's future authoring exercise.) Teens (and adults!) can use this to really think about and express the desires of their hearts and so come to know what it is she or he wants to accomplish in life (and, therefore, in college).

 

 

The instructions:

Get out paper and pen or pencil and a timer. You can do this all in one sitting, or break it up into several sittings. Do all the steps within two weeks, ideally within one. If you break it up into several sittings, start each sitting with Step 1. For this, it is best, by far, to actually write, rather than type.

 

Step 1 - Set the Stage, Get Yourself Ready

 

Get comfy. Pray, inviting God, Who created the heavens and the earth, to direct you, to help you start to glimpse His plan for your life - 

Relax. Breathe in deeply. Hold it for a slow count of three, then let it out very very slowly. Repeat four times.

Did you do that? If not, do it. I get it, deep breathing seems SO lame. It's not. It clears your mind, and lowers your stress, and allows you to think better. THOSE are IMPORTANT, so breathe!

Get yourself situated comfortably in a private place where you won't be interrupted. If music helps you think and be creative, put some on. I strongly suggest that it be instrumental so the lyrics don't interfere with your train of thought.

 

Step 2 - Hopes and Dreams - Family

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your future family, or, if you are already married, for your family in the future.

Will you marry? Have kids? Both parents work? Will you or your spouse work from home? Will you home school? Where do you want to live? Region of the Country? Urban/Suburban/Rural? Near your family of origin? Will you own a home? Live in a high rise? etc... 

Step 3 - Hopes and Dreams - Friends

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your friends.

Do you want to have a strong group of friends? Will you (and your spouse) play sports, do book studies, bible studies, service work, play games, socialize, etc. with your friends? Will you have a mentor? Be a mentor? 

Step 4 - Hopes and Dreams - Job(s)

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your job(s).

What sort of job(s) do you want to work? In what settings? Inside, outside, independent, collaborative, virtual, hybrid, etc. Do you want to travel? If so, how often and to where? Do you hope to work for a large company? A medium sized one? Small? Mom & Pop? Start your own?

Step 5 - Hopes and Dreams - Career

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your career.

What are your career goals? What massive, perplexing problems do you want to solve? How do you want to use your skills, abilities, talents, and interests to make the world a better place? What sort of income do you hope to make? What sort of career do you want? Do you want multiple careers?

How do you define success?

 

 

Step 6 - Deal with your Temptations

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - make plans to curb your temptations.

Be honest. What tempts you? Spending too much? How will you implement a budget? What does a well moderated financial life look for to you? What do you hope for? Drink too much? Use drugs? Can you moderate it or do you need to not drink at all? What do you hope for? What about sex? What are your hopes and dreams for your intimate relationships? What about over-working? Laziness? What else tempts you?

Part of this step is identifying your temptations.  Be honest with yourself. Another part is imagining or dreaming of life lived well, not indulging in those temptations.  What do you hope for? What do you dream of?

Step 7 - Hopes and Dreams - Free Time

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your free time.

What hobbies do you hope to pursue? Dream big. What skills do you hope to develop? Go for it! How will you relax - on a daily basis? weekly? monthly? annually?

 

Step 8 - Civic Responsibilities

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. That is the MINIMUM amount of time you will spend on this step. WRITE out - on paper! - your hopes and dreams for your society.

What sort of impact will you have on your neighborhood? How do you  hope to serve? Mentoring? Serving the poor meals? Serving on a Board of Directors? Starting an organization to meet a need? Run for office?

Step 9 - Bring it all Together 

After you have taken the time to dream, to write out your hopes and dreams, set aside time in two to three days to look them over. In the meantime, let them sit in your mind and heart for a few days.

When the time comes, review them, some will fit together well while others will be outliers. Themes will emerge. Now you can start to put together plans and goals to make those dreams into a reality.

 

This can be quite difficult to do on your own. Katherine is available to guide you through the steps, and to help you analyze them, then create goals and plans to achieve those goals. To explore this, email her: KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com 

Katherine O'Brien is the founder of Celtic College Consultants and has been providing expert knowledge for the journey to college since 2004. She is a holistic planner, focusing on student development, leadership development, career exploration, goal setting, college funding, and lifelong student success. As a faithful Roman Catholic, she values each person as a gift.

 

Fostering Teens' Dreams into Reality

 by Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist, ThD Candidate

 

Post-COVID there are more options than ever for post high school education and training. Ages 18-23 is a key time in our lives.  This is wonderful, and challenging. Sorting through aspirations and hopes and their "wildest dreams" is essential. Some of those will be impractical while others will become lifelong passions and realities.

 

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” -Steven Spielberg

....and, this is easier to do when you are NOT their parent.

Teens know more about their aspirations than they realize. They know what “wicked problem” they want to solve. I help them come to know that, articulate it, then craft a plan with realistic paths to achieve their goals. We start to build a focused curriculum in high school which will be continued in trade school or college college and incorporate experiential learning opportunities into their process. I help teens “reverse engineer” their dreams into action steps they can take during their high school and college years.

 

Don’t do a “reverse transfer. Increasingly students are going to four year universities then transferring to a community college near their home. What a waste of time, effort, money, and what damage is done to their confidence! If a certificate or trade school program makes more sense than a four year degree, let's determine that with clarity during high school and craft a path to success, rather than trying college, failing or opting out (and feeling like a failure) in order to get onto a path better suited for the student and his or her aspirations.

 

80% of college students change their majors, at least once. People have come to think of this as normal. Unfortunately, taking six years to complete a four year degree has also become  "normal". For more than a decade, the average time to complete a bachelor's degree in the US has been six years!!!! The costs of not taking time in high school to discover your purpose is high.

 

THIS IS MY GOAL: to mentor teens who become thriving young adults with little to no debt and solid confidence after their college experiences and education, well equipped to make their contributions to society. To schedule a consultation to explore having Katherine mentor your teen click here.

Ten Ways College Bound Teens Begin to Earn Respect

 By Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist

 As they begin to serve as leaders and to "come into their own" so to speak, earning the respect of their peers and adults is essential. Sometimes, it's very hard to know how to help our teens learn how to do this. Often, it's even hard to get them to listen to their parents... we can feel helpless as they listen to others while ignoring our wisdom and loving direction.

Earning respect takes more than head knowledge, than knowing the right answer. Earning respect is the fruit of having a good character, and living out of that good character.

In my work with teens all over the country over the past 21 years, I have had the privilege of guiding many from childhood to adulthood, leaning to lead and command respect. Here are ten things that take no talent yet contribute to earning respect.

1. Be on Time

Being on time is SO simple to do - yet missed by many. Being on time reveals a level of respect for the person or people one meets with.  Learn to prioritize being on time. Plan ahead. Prepare yourself, your clothing, the materials you need to bring with you, your transportation, etc. so you can be on time for classes and meetings. When travel is required, always add time to your plan. Lastly, when all else fails and life happens and you'll be late, despite your best efforts, reach out to let people know that you will be late. It's second best to being on time.

ABSOLUTELY AVOID missing meetings all together. That shows a deep disrespect for the person/people you will meet with and gains NO RESPECT for you AT ALL.

2. Have a Good Work Ethic

A good work ethic is a combination of positive attitudes, good behaviors that show dedication, being responsible, as well as a positive attitude towards work. Having this mindset will contribute significantly to gaining the respect of people you interact with.

3. Put in Solid Effort (aka Work Hard!)

Respect is earned when you are seen to be responsible. Part of being responsible is hard work, doing your part of the work, reliably day in and day out. People don't respect those who don't contribute.

 Sometimes it is not possible to complete a task or project. Putting in a solid effort nonetheless reflects well on you, and earns you respect.

4. Good Body Language

Human beings communicate a great deal non-verbally. We sigh. We roll our eyes. We keep ourselves buried in our phones. We walk away... All of these actions communicate a lack of interest or respect for those we were interacting with, or who were interacting with us.

Good body language conveys respect for those in our lives. Making and maintaining eye contact, leaning forward, taking notes, responding with a nod or mmhmm, all of these indicate our attentiveness to another person. Learning to focus on another person, to actively listen, to be patient, to wait to formulate our response until others are finished speaking, all of these help us use good body language. Being attentive and respectful with our bodies, not just our words and actions, conveys trustworthiness and sincerity, and commands respect.

5. Good Energy

People can tell when we are tired, or sad, or disinterested. Lack of energy reveals a focus on ourselves and a lack of engagement with those around us. Conversely, having the energy to be attentive, to respond effectively, to participate in a discussion or activity, all of these demonstrate respect and liveliness, both of which contribute to being respected.

6. Good Attitude

Related to some of the above, having a good attitude helps a person garner the respect of others. What does it mean to have a good attitude? It means to be willing to listen to others, to be open to different perspectives, approaches, and ideas. It means being willing to let others take the lead at times, and to contributing what one can toward the success of a group effort, or to help people we meet flourish and thrive.

7. Passion

Passion can be intense or quiet. Passion, also known as drive, moves a person forward in a particular direction. This one can be difficult, if you conflate it with having clarity about what one wants to do in life. Teens often don't have this yet, so what does passion mean for teens? Passion means earnestness, jumping into things with two feet, putting all of oneself in whatever one is doing. Having passion can earn respect. However, running headlong willy nilly into different activities can detract from one's ability to garner respect. Having passion needs to be tempered with good sense, and a humble willingness to learn from your experiences and refine your direction in life and choice of activities.

8. Be Coachable

Sometimes we think we have to "know everything" in order to be respected, but this is actually not the case. Being able to receive direction, be coached and mentored actually contributes to people being willing to respect you. Have the humility to be coached, to learn from others.

9. Do Extra

Showing your dedication to the task at hand, the project, to the people you are working with by doing a little extra, doing more than what has been asked of you can help you earn respect. Doing things you are not responsible for, by which I mean contributing to making other people's lives easier in some way that is helpful, can also help a teen to become respected. Doing extra shows that your focus is not solely on yourself; you see the needs of those around you and are generous and kind enough to help them.

10. Be Prepared 

This is the Boy Scout motto, and for good reason. Being prepared for meetings and activities shows respect for the others there, and allows you to contribute well to the conversation or task. Being prepared enables you to pivot, to redirect things, to bring forward additional ideas or resources, and to be fully present.

In short, To be respected, one must act in ways that are respectable.