Inviting Teens to Become Adults - Responsibilities & Adult Paperwork

by Katherine O'Brien, ThD Candidate, Certified College Planning Specialist, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

One trait that distinguishes children from adults is that of being responsible. Age is a factor, but not a determining one.

In the US, there are a number of legal changes that happen when a person turns 18. Accepting these responsibilities is part of becoming adults. Let's look at them from the perspective of the paperwork involved. Please note that, since most of these are specific to the US state, students attending college out of their home state will need some of these documents for each state.

FERPA Release – Once you are a college student, no matter your age, you are an adult!

The Family Education Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 (FERPA) is a federal law that affords parents the right to have access to their children’s educational records, the right to seek to have the records amended, and the right to have some control over the disclosure of personally identifiable information from the education records. When a student turns 18 or enters a postsecondary school (no matter their age), FERPA rights transfer from the parents to the student.

 

For more information, please see: https://studentprivacy.ed.gov/faq/what-ferpa

 

Most colleges will invite you to sign a FERPA release. This allows parents to talk with the bursar’s office about the student’s accounts and bills. It also allows people the student designates to access certain academic information or to attend meetings with deans, professors, or advisors. It’s important

 

Each college or university is required to issue an annual notice, sometimes called the annual privacy notice or annual FERPA notice. These typically appear on the college’s website. These notices tell parents if and in what circumstances colleges may release some information without a student’s consent. This often includes directory information such as the student’s name, graduation year, major, and, possibly, address information. Students in therapy will not find their therapist’s treatment notes, nor law enforcement records, if they were not shared with the college. However, some colleges have a policy that parents will be notified in the event a student is felt to be a safety risk to him or herself or others.

 

Parents and students need to have a conversation to reach an understanding about what personal educational information students will share in college. The conversation should include grades, continued scholarship eligibility, drugs, alcohol, sex, roommates, finances and more. Students need to take responsibility for reading their email in a timely manner, asking for help as needed to handle the various tasks required of them by their college. Both students and parents need to keep in mind that, from the college’s perspective, the student is the primary person.

 

This might be challenging since the pandemic restrictions eliminated a number of opportunities for young people to learn and grow and make the kinds of mistakes young people learn so much from. 

 

HIPAA Release 

HIPAA is a federal law (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996). HIPAA regulates the disclosure of patient health information. A HIPAA release is a narrow document in that it only permits healthcare providers to disclose your student’s healthcare information to you or anyone they specify.

Once a child turns 18, s/he is a legal adult. Therefore, s/he has privacy rights and healthcare providers are limited regarding their ability to share that information. In short, should your adult child have a health problem and land in the hospital, for example, without a HIPAA release, the hospital is unable to even tell you whether your child is under their care. This document alone will often suffice to get information from the healthcare institution treating your adult child. In a HIPAA authorization or release, young adults can stipulate that they don’t want to disclose information about sex, drugs, mental health, or other details that they prefer to keep private. As with the broader healthcare proxy, a HIPAA release can include a Living Will.

 

Living Will/ Advance Medical Directive

A living will is a legal document that details how you prefer to receive medical treatment in the event you are not able to make decisions for yourself. This document instructs healthcare providers about your wishes and shields your loved ones from having to make difficult choices about your care. Each state has a living will form or defines specifics to be included in a living will. Abiding by your state's requirements is essential in order to ensure that your living will be enforceable.

 

Medical Power of Attorney/Health Care Proxy

 

A Medical Power of Attorney or Health Care Proxy authorizes someone to make medical decisions on someone else's behalf, giving the person appointed access to medical records and the ability to converse with their healthcare providers. By appointing you as their healthcare proxy, your adult child is enabling you to act on their behalf in making medical decisions in the event that they are unable to make those decisions for themselves.

Each state has different laws that govern the execution of a medical POA or healthcare proxy; for example, state laws differ on whether a medical proxy has to be notarized or merely witnessed. Therefore the legal form you sign will be specific to the state where it will be used. HIPAA authorization is rolled into the standard medical proxy form in many states. In addition, a healthcare proxy can include a Living Will, or you can execute a separate document stating your wishes for end-of-life medical treatment.

Voting

Now that your child is 18, s/he should register to vote in their state of legal residence. Should s/he choose to vote in their home state and district, register there. Students can alternatively register to vote where they live while at college. Arranging to vote by mail is important.

 

 

Traveling

At age 18, a ten-year US passport can be issued. Students who hope to study abroad or go on a mission or service trip outside the US are advised to get a passport when they start college. Getting a passport takes time; it is not a task that can be completed last minute.

 

Advice for our sons

 

1. Having good friends is a blessing. Being a good friend is obligatory. So, become a man who is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind, patient, and understanding.

 

2.  Females have a better sense of smell, need I say more?

 

3. Covering your tracks reveals a faulty character. Real men own up to their mistakes, apologize, and try to put things right.

 

4. Do not photograph your private parts. The picture will end up in places you cannot imagine and I promise you, you do not want to go there.

 

5. You are not what you eat, or what you drive or where you work. You are you. And if that is not working out for you, changing your diet or car or job will not fix the problem.

 

6. Clean is attractive. Thoughtful is attractive. Being blindingly drunk is a red flag, a moral failure.

 

7. Video games may not seem to cause you harm, but they certainly do not make you a better son, student, or friend. Play them sparingly.

 

8. Sleep will not solve all of your problems, but not sleeping will create new ones.

 

9. Make a reputable news site the home page on all your devices. You will be smarter for it.

 

10. Junk food is for teenagers, by the time you are twenty you will understand that your body wants real food. Give it what it needs.

 

11. Playing sports will make you happy and help keep you healthy. Keep games in your life, even if you aren't athletic.

 

12. Choosing a spouse is the most important decision you will ever make; do not let your heart ignore your head, nor vice versa.

 

13. If you are shopping for clothes and wondering if you are the kind of guy who can get away with a certain trendy style, then you most certainly are not.

 

14. Saving a few dollars on a bad haircut is something you will regret instantly.

 

15. Your girlfriends, the women who befriend you, love you, and will never sleep with you, will be some of the most important people in your life. Treat them beautifully.

 

16. Never let your siblings down, they are irreplaceable. They will be the longest friendships in your life and, one day, will be the only people who remember your childhood.

 

17. When you have the nagging feeling that your parents would disapprove of what you are about to do, pause, make sure you are completely sure you have answered for yourself all the questions they would ask. Then proceed, using your own judgment.

 

18. Your 20's are the time to discover your tolerance for risk, don’t pass up the opportunity. At the same time, don’t be foolhardy.

 

19. Spend the extra few dollars to buy decent shampoo. And deodorant.

 

20. Own one perfectly pressed white shirt and a clean tie. You never know when a job interview or your girlfriend or roommate’s parents will arrive.

 

21. Own lots of underwear; it will ultimately determine your laundry schedule.

 

22. Wait until marriage. Save this expression of self-gift for your spouse. And help your girlfriend save this gift for their future husband, too.

 

23. Buy or make gifts for birthdays and any other special occasion that arises. Small offerings, bought or made with care and thought, go a long way to making people feel like they are valued by you. If your budget is tiny, thoughtful notes and gifts of service are great choices, too.

 

24. When you get the chance, be the kind of boss, teacher, father, and friend that you had, or wish you had.

 

25. Finish what you start. That goes for tubes of toothpaste, expensive entrées, and commitments you have made to others and yourself.

 

26. You are only as good as your word, so keep it. Period.

 

27. Technology will not make you happy. The people it connects you with will. Do not confuse the two.

 

28. When a girlfriend sets out to change you, head for the hills. If she doesn’t like who you started out as, she won’t like who you end up as any better.

 

29. Your manners will say everything about you and will reflect on your parents every day. Don’t make them look bad.

 

30. Life will disappoint you. People will disappoint you. You will disappoint yourself. Your parents are available to ease those blows anytime you need to talk.

 

31. Piercings and visible tattoos for men will go out of style, if they haven’t already. Don’t be fooled into believing otherwise. And don't forget that future employers, employees, and clients will make judgments about you based on them. This goes for unnatural hair dye and unprofessional hairstyles, too.

 

32. Aspirin, water, and black coffee solve a multitude of problems. Just sayin'

 

33. Education is expensive, and not using it is even more expensive. Make the most of the talents you were given and the hard work you have done.

 

34. If your friends are jerks, you will not be far behind. Choose wisely.

 

35. Be nice to your parents, it will be a long time before you can afford everything on your own.

36. Answer your mother’s texts promptly, period. And don't make your father wait long either.

37. With shoes, quality always wins over quantity. The same goes for suits, dress shirts, and ties. And take good care of what you have.

 

38. Toothbrushes do not last forever. Neither do razors.

 

39. Learn to swing a golf club, cook one great dish, and ride a bike, these skills will come in handy.

 

40. Never use your physical size to intimidate anyone, male or female, unless it is in an organized game of sport. If you do, you have failed to live up to your potential.

 

41. Drugs will make you stupid, waste your money, introduce you to people you do not want to know, get you in trouble with the law, and become a habit that is very hard to break. Am I clear?

 

42. Smile in all photos and don’t look like a jerk; you never know where the picture will end up.

 

43. If you get a rash or a cut or a burn, photograph and text it. Moms diagnose, even digitally.

 

44. When you come back for a home cooked meal, your old bed, and laundry service, remember to bring a good attitude and a willingness to help out, too. These things are not your birthright, they are gifts.

 

45. Calling your parents for no special reason is always, always a good idea.

 

46. If you only share the good and never reveal the bad, no one will really know you.

 

47. Never assume anything about another person’s wealth, health, or happiness; all too often we are mistaken.

 

48. Put the seat down, don’t argue, just do it.

 

49. If you don’t use a top sheet (why, oh why?) then you have to wash the blanket or duvet cover. It is just the rules.

 

50. Don't be fooled, what's posted on the internet is written in ink. Remind yourself of that every time you touch a keyboard.

 

51. If you and your wife think you are ready for children but are not sure, get a dog or mentor someone and learn how to care for another living creature.

 

52. No one is ever completely ready to be a parent, it is always a bit of a leap. So, trust God and be not afraid!

53. It is best to have children within 50 miles of at least one grandparent. In parenthood, emergencies are the rule rather than the exception. Keep this in mind when the "great job offer" from across the country comes.

 

54. House gifts will always be remembered and appreciated so never accept a dinner invitation or weekend’s stay without a small token of gratitude.

 

55. Soon enough you will be in a position to help those younger than you. Offer a hand up quickly and generously - and discreetly.

 

56. Remember that you are a product of your upbringing and schools. Show gratitude for the teachers and institutions from which you graduated (especially if you were homeschooled!). At the same time, be respectful of others, especially those not afforded the opportunities you had. Their hard won skills and abilities are valuable. Learn from them.

 

57. Check your mail and email regularly! As old-fashioned as it may seem, there are some letters and emails that must be opened. Letting things pile up only creates nasty past due surprises. Grappling with paperwork is one of adulthood’s biggest but unavoidable headaches. So is filing important papers.

 

58. Be the kind of person others turn to with their troubles. People in pain seek out those with good hearts and those who can keep a confidence.

 

59. Learn to pray and lean on the Lord. You may be strong; nonetheless, there are some challenges you can’t manage on your own. Your humility will pay off in countless situations. And many will be blessed when they see a strong man become even stronger by being a man of prayer.

 

60. Listen to colleagues, especially women. Men usually dominate conversations and miss women’s valuable insights.

 

61. Ask for help when you need it, for everything from carrying awkward furniture up narrow stairs to professional endeavors. Build strong teams and be more successful. 

 

With thanks to Lisa Enlich Heffernan, who authored most of these.