By Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist
As they begin to serve as leaders and to "come into their own" so to speak, earning the respect of their peers and adults is essential. Sometimes, it's very hard to know how to help our teens learn how to do this. Often, it's even hard to get them to listen to their parents... we can feel helpless as they listen to others while ignoring our wisdom and loving direction.
Earning respect takes more than head knowledge, than knowing the right answer. Earning respect is the fruit of having a good character, and living out of that good character.
In my work with teens all over the country over the past 21 years, I have had the privilege of guiding many from childhood to adulthood, leaning to lead and command respect. Here are ten things that take no talent yet contribute to earning respect.
1. Be on Time
Being on time is SO simple to do - yet missed by many. Being on time reveals a level of respect for the person or people one meets with. Learn to prioritize being on time. Plan ahead. Prepare yourself, your clothing, the materials you need to bring with you, your transportation, etc. so you can be on time for classes and meetings. When travel is required, always add time to your plan. Lastly, when all else fails and life happens and you'll be late, despite your best efforts, reach out to let people know that you will be late. It's second best to being on time.
ABSOLUTELY AVOID missing meetings all together. That shows a deep disrespect for the person/people you will meet with and gains NO RESPECT for you AT ALL.
2. Have a Good Work Ethic
A good work ethic is a combination of positive attitudes, good behaviors that show dedication, being responsible, as well as a positive attitude towards work. Having this mindset will contribute significantly to gaining the respect of people you interact with.
3. Put in Solid Effort (aka Work Hard!)
Respect is earned when you are seen to be responsible. Part of being
responsible is hard work, doing your part of the work, reliably day in
and day out. People don't respect those who don't contribute.
Sometimes it is not possible to complete a task or project. Putting in a solid effort nonetheless reflects well on you, and earns you respect.
4. Good Body Language
Human beings communicate a great deal non-verbally. We sigh. We roll our eyes. We keep ourselves buried in our phones. We walk away... All of these actions communicate a lack of interest or respect for those we were interacting with, or who were interacting with us.
Good body language conveys respect for those in our lives. Making and maintaining eye contact, leaning forward, taking notes, responding with a nod or mmhmm, all of these indicate our attentiveness to another person. Learning to focus on another person, to actively listen, to be patient, to wait to formulate our response until others are finished speaking, all of these help us use good body language. Being attentive and respectful with our bodies, not just our words and actions, conveys trustworthiness and sincerity, and commands respect.
5. Good Energy
People can tell when we are tired, or sad, or disinterested. Lack of energy reveals a focus on ourselves and a lack of engagement with those around us. Conversely, having the energy to be attentive, to respond effectively, to participate in a discussion or activity, all of these demonstrate respect and liveliness, both of which contribute to being respected.
6. Good Attitude
Related to some of the above, having a good attitude helps a person garner the respect of others. What does it mean to have a good attitude? It means to be willing to listen to others, to be open to different perspectives, approaches, and ideas. It means being willing to let others take the lead at times, and to contributing what one can toward the success of a group effort, or to help people we meet flourish and thrive.
7. Passion
Passion can be intense or quiet. Passion, also known as drive, moves a person forward in a particular direction. This one can be difficult, if you conflate it with having clarity about what one wants to do in life. Teens often don't have this yet, so what does passion mean for teens? Passion means earnestness, jumping into things with two feet, putting all of oneself in whatever one is doing. Having passion can earn respect. However, running headlong willy nilly into different activities can detract from one's ability to garner respect. Having passion needs to be tempered with good sense, and a humble willingness to learn from your experiences and refine your direction in life and choice of activities.
8. Be Coachable
Sometimes we think we have to "know everything" in order to be respected, but this is actually not the case. Being able to receive direction, be coached and mentored actually contributes to people being willing to respect you. Have the humility to be coached, to learn from others.
9. Do Extra
Showing your dedication to the task at hand, the project, to the people you are working with by doing a little extra, doing more than what has been asked of you can help you earn respect. Doing things you are not responsible for, by which I mean contributing to making other people's lives easier in some way that is helpful, can also help a teen to become respected. Doing extra shows that your focus is not solely on yourself; you see the needs of those around you and are generous and kind enough to help them.
10. Be Prepared
This is the Boy Scout motto, and for good reason. Being prepared for meetings and activities shows respect for the others there, and allows you to contribute well to the conversation or task. Being prepared enables you to pivot, to redirect things, to bring forward additional ideas or resources, and to be fully present.
In short, To be respected, one must act in ways that are respectable.