Fostering Teens' Dreams into Reality

 by Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist, ThD Candidate

 

Post-COVID there are more options than ever for post high school education and training. Ages 18-23 is a key time in our lives.  This is wonderful, and challenging. Sorting through aspirations and hopes and their "wildest dreams" is essential. Some of those will be impractical while others will become lifelong passions and realities.

 

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” -Steven Spielberg

....and, this is easier to do when you are NOT their parent.

Teens know more about their aspirations than they realize. They know what “wicked problem” they want to solve. I help them come to know that, articulate it, then craft a plan with realistic paths to achieve their goals. We start to build a focused curriculum in high school which will be continued in trade school or college college and incorporate experiential learning opportunities into their process. I help teens “reverse engineer” their dreams into action steps they can take during their high school and college years.

 

Don’t do a “reverse transfer. Increasingly students are going to four year universities then transferring to a community college near their home. What a waste of time, effort, money, and what damage is done to their confidence! If a certificate or trade school program makes more sense than a four year degree, let's determine that with clarity during high school and craft a path to success, rather than trying college, failing or opting out (and feeling like a failure) in order to get onto a path better suited for the student and his or her aspirations.

 

80% of college students change their majors, at least once. People have come to think of this as normal. Unfortunately, taking six years to complete a four year degree has also become  "normal". For more than a decade, the average time to complete a bachelor's degree in the US has been six years!!!! The costs of not taking time in high school to discover your purpose is high.

 

THIS IS MY GOAL: to mentor teens who become thriving young adults with little to no debt and solid confidence after their college experiences and education, well equipped to make their contributions to society. To schedule a consultation to explore having Katherine mentor your teen click here.

Three Critical Skills Teens Need to Thrive as Adults

by Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

 

 

What are the critical lessons we need to teach our kids so they will be successful adults?

 

While they need to be able to read, write, and calculate, teens need to learn a few other fundamental skills as well.

 

The bedrock of adulthood isn’t glamourous. It’s tedious. Banal. Hidden. Unappreciated. Unseen. Yet, it is absolutely essential to living a mature life and being a productive adult, a responsible man or woman, a great employee, business owner, or volunteer, a good parent.

 

Teens need to learn discipline and resiliency. SO many these days are not learning these two skills.

 

A professor friend recently shared that she told her college students recently that they “weren’t coloring rainbows behind Noah’s ark” anymore. This was college theology. These non-theology majors thought her intro class would be an easy A. They have been stunned to find that they have to do the work and submit it on time. Really? This is college success 101. Do the work. Do it well. Turn it in on time.

 

Another professor friend related how he’s had to shift his approach because so many have been using AI to do their work. Rather than read the text and summarize it themselves, they were using AI to do that for them. Now he is leading small group discussions, which demand that the students articulate what they have read and learned. Again, college success 101. Do the work. Don’t cheat.

 

How can we help our kids be successful in college and in life?

 

TEACH THEM TO DO THE WORK

 

1.        Hold them accountable to do the work that is assigned. Whether that means you must oversee their work (which, I do realize, is quite time consuming) or that they have to put actual pen/pencil to actual paper, find ways to ensure your teen is doing the assigned work without assistance.

2.        A study group can be useful, of course, unless it’s really a way for them to cheat. A group to discuss the material, review their problem sets, troubleshoot difficulties can be very helpful. A group that divides up the work so each does only a portion of the problem set or reading, etc., truncates what each learns. Each only does a portion of the work. Groups should do more than 100% of the work. Each member does 100% of the assignment, THEN they meet to discuss it.

3.        Teach them how to get help when they are stuck, need help, don’t understand. This is a key skill. Fewer and fewer teens are able to ask for help. Advocating for yourself is a key skill, whether it means asking for fresh fruit to be available, or that a portion of a school lesson be explained again (and again).

4.        Teach discipline. Whether it’s physical exercise, self-restraint, doing chores well or some other means, teach your children to discipline themselves, to say no to themselves. Teach them to harness their strength, to curb their selfishness, to work diligently to develop their talents and habits of virtue.

 

Some practical suggestions:

 

Give your teen opportunities to ask for help, to advocate for themselves. Have them make appointments, check in at the doctor’s office, make calls or take the steps needed to get more information. Have them plan a trip or vacation. Have them map out the errands, research where to purchase something you’ve not purchased before, compare prices and features for a major purchase, speaking to various salespeople to gather the information.

 

Set SMART goals for them. Teach them to achieve them.

 

Specific – define the task/project clearly.

Measurable – have clearly measurable attributes which indicate that the goal has been accomplished

Attainable – ensure that the goal is actually possible. (It’s ok if the goal pushes them to ask for assistance, more information, etc.)

Relevant – the goal should be relevant to your life in some way.

Time-bound – a goal needs a deadline.

 

TEACH THEM TO MEET DEADLINES

 

Increasingly, students are being allowed to get extensions on their work in high school. This kindness is sometimes actually necessary. Unforeseen situations do arise. does happen.

 

Let’s teach our kids to plan ahead.

 

Here’s an example. One of my clients has a grandparent who has had significant health challenges lately. Last week, it looked like she might die. My student and her mom spent the entire night with her. Grandma is home now, doing better. I coached my student to plan ahead from here on out, finishing her tasks for school and her college applications and our meetings ahead of time, allowing her to have a shot at submitting assignments and applications by their deadline, even if Grandma’s health fails again and she needs to tend to her.

 

Train kids to notice what possible challenges there are in their lives and to plan accordingly. Allow extra time. Arrange for people to be available to help in some way, in case they are needed. Often we are aware that there is a need or possible situation that could arise. We know that the laundry will need to be done, the car needs a tune up, etc. We know that friends or relatives are coming into town next month or a holiday is coming up and we need to prepare. By being aware of the potential demands on our time, we can plan our tasks to allow us the time for those things. If they don’t arise, then there will be extra time to improve the assignment, take a carefree walk before an exam, etc.

 

TEACH THEM RESILIENCY - HOW TO GO ON AFTER FAILURE OR LOSS

 

The only way to learn how to bounce back from difficulty is to experience difficulty and failure and loss. I regularly meet parents who bend over backwards to ensure that their child’s life is comfortable, that as many difficulties and obstacles as possible are removed from their life. While I completely understand the desire to help our kids avoid pain, there is an irreplaceable opportunity for growth in character, patience, and resiliency when trials and suffering comes.

 

When suffering comes, teach your child to thank God. Teach him or her how to bear the pain, how to cry, how to journal or exercise to express the pain in their heart. Teach him or her how to constructively channel their agony. Teach your child how to breathe despite the pain, that life goes on, the sun keeps rising on a new day. Depend on God, cast your cares on Him. Ground yourself when you are overcome – notice the chair you are sitting on, the ground beneath your feet, the sounds of the birds and the air moving around you, etc. Teach them how to move forward despite the fog of the pain, taking one little step after another, despite the pain. Show your child how to accompany others during times of grief or illness or suffering. Teach patience. Cultivate the habit of keeping the long term in mind. What is now will pass away.

 

Let them feel pain and loss. Let them learn to bear suffering.

 

Teach them how to break open failure. Failure is a powerful teacher, if we but take the time to break it open. Examine what happened. Identify the various factors, actions, decisions led to the outcome. Notice what successes there were in the midst of the failure. Determine what could be done differently and explore how to approach similar problems differently in the future. Teach them the mindset of not identifying with their failures. They are not their failures, nor are they defined by them. Show them the many examples. Abraham Lincoln is one example. Jonathan Roumie is another. There are many others. Break open the reality that the successful people have experienced and learned from many failures in their lives and that success doesn’t happen overnight, even if it sometimes looks like it does. Share your own story. For most of us, our spouse was not our first love or first girl/boyfriend. Let your children see that you failed and erred and learned and grew… and are continuing to learn and grow.

 

 

Boost Happiness and College Success

 

by Katherine O'Brien, ThD, Certified College Planning Specialist, Founder, Celtic College Consultants

We all want the same thing for ourselves and our kids, college bound or not. We want to:

• Do our best work!
• Live intentionally!
• Be successful! (good grades, work promotions, etc.)
• Have less stress in your life!
• Be able to enjoy life (take care of responsibilities, and actually relax when it’s time to have fun!)
• Gain clarity about what’s most important in your life!
• Have a clear reason to get out of bed in the morning
• Be able to make the world a better place, make a difference!
  
• Be less stressed and grumpy
• Keep your commitments!
  
• Make good decisions about opportunities that come up. (Do I have time for this? Can I make the time and take care of my responsibilities?)

Learning to manage our time and complete our work by deadlines is a critical skill we all need to be successful in high school, college, and in life. This is one of those practices generally referred to as self-discipline.

A deadline tells us what needs to be done, and in what time frame, to have positive outcomes in our life. Deadlines are also signals that there are negative consequences ahead which can be avoided. Late fees on bills, cancelled services, lower grades, these are examples of possible negative consequences.

 

Know Your Deadlines & Create Your Own Mini-Deadlines

 

Be aware of Deadlines – the first step is acknowledging the existence of deadlines

 

For larger projects is to break it down into steps and assign them deadlines. This will help you make steady progress, avoiding the situation of having “everything” need to be done quickly just before the deadline. When that happens, cutting corners to get the work done on time is inevitable, as is increased stress. Both degraded performance and intense stress can be avoided.

 

Some people argue that they do their best work in the rush of the last moment. They are kidding themselves. What I think they really mean is that the pressure of a looming deadline is necessary for them to put forth effort and that they are unaware of how much better their work and life could be.

 

Stepping through a project offers numerous small deadlines/ pressure points to complete the various tasks that “forces” you to complete the work, bit by bit. These deadlines also serve as markers that you are making progress, so you need to improve, when you are falling behind, or can relax a bit, if you are ahead. This process also allows you to focus on one portion of a large task at a time, and do it well. As you become experienced with this, you can schedule in “extra” time to review and refine your work, thus enhancing the overall outcome. It is delightful to find that we can do better than we previously thought, and that our lives can be more steady, less stress filled, more enjoyable, than we’d previously experienced.
 

Know what Motivates You - Create an Image of Yourself Being Successful

 

Be aware of what motivates you, and incorporate it into your life. – remind yourself of the negative consequences, remind yourself of the positive possibilities, leave visual reminders of them, reminders on your phone, post it notes, notes on your mirror, vision boards, whatever works

 

Reminders of what you are working to avoid, or working to accomplish, can be highly motivating. Having a picture of yourself in a cap and gown, at a podium speaking to an audience, etc. can be such an encouragement, and a reminder of why the present toil is worth doing, and doing well. Create a "vision board" of you accomplishing your big goals, avoiding the pitfalls, being successful!

 

Set Reminders 

 

Use visible reminders of the stages, of the next deadline, to help you stay on task! Use a calendar to get things done, to step yourself through the process. Put the various steps onto your calendar, reserving time – schedule research the topic/create thesis statement, schedule write outline, schedule research Part I on outline, etc. Put reminders on your phone, sticky notes on your mirror. Whatever works for you, do it!

 

Allow for the Unexpected

 

Allow extra time for hiccups, problems, distractions, etc. So add in buffer times to handle these unexpected occurrences. This is critical to successfully completing tasks by deadlines.

 

In the beginning, "Frontload" Your Timeline 

 

If you are new at something, “frontload” your plan. Be aggressive with your goals for the first half of two-thirds of the allotted time. Plan to finish the whole project in three-quarters of the allotted time (I have school assignments in mind here.) If the teacher assigns a paper that’s due in four weeks, write your plan to have it done in three weeks. Set a week one goal, week two goal, week three goal – completion! Work hard to meet your goals. Notice what took more time than you expected. Does that task often take longer? Did you waste time? Noticing these sort of things gives you the information you need to improve your process. For example, I find pulling together a thesis statement to be challenging. To get it done with enough time to do the required research, outlining, drafting, and editing, I allot a lot of time to it and break it down even further. I might set a goal to have research done over the weekend, a thesis or two written Monday, and set a meeting with my teacher to discuss it on Tuesday. The meeting does a few things to help me along. It forces me to focus, since I don’t want to arrive at the meeting without any ideas. It also gives me the opportunity to get clarity from the teacher – yes, this is a good direction, no that’s a distraction, your focus is too broad, or too narrow. In effect, I’m getting a course correction at the start, rather than after I’ve spent lots of time researching and drafting my paper, only to realize I don’t have enough material to produce an adequate paper, or that I have far too much, both of which require me to go back to the thesis statement, revise it, and significantly revise all that I have done so far. 

 

One of the benefits of “frontloading” my timeline for a project is that it gives me “wiggle room.” I now have time to finish early, get feedback from others, or to let it sit for a few days, then look it over to catch any rough transitions or other little edits I can make to improve the flow (and my grade!)

 

Another benefit of “frontloading” the timeline is that there’s room to allot more time to a task that is requiring more time than originally expected.

 

You may also have the happy experience of being done, knowing your work is well done, and relaxing while others are stressed and doing a rush job just before the deadline.

 

Katherine O'Brien is available to help your teen prepare for college and beyond. Email kob@CelticCollegeConsultants.com to schedule a consultation.

 

The Critical College Prep Question Almost No One is Asking

 

by Katherine O'Brien, Th.D. Candidate, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

 

I am endlessly amazed as I look around the college prep profession and see the complete omission of THE most important consideration from my colleagues’ awareness and efforts.

 

THE Critical college prep question:

 

Why go to college? 

 

Let me expand on that a bit: What’s the point? What are your goals? What do you seek by going to college? 

 

This question requires us to examine the end, the purpose, of the endeavor of going to college. Looking to the end requires no small effort, I will admit. However, this effort is essential for a successful journey. Rarely does a person begin a journey or a project without a destination or goal in mind. Let's explore this by considering an example.

 

If I prepare my workbench by bringing out a pile of lumber, nails, drills, sanders, hammers, and the like, but have no goal, all I have is a mess. At the same time, having a goal, while absolutely essential, is not enough. To continue with my example, if I have decided to build a table, that’s a good goal. However, I am not yet ready to begin my work, am I?

 

Once a goal has been set, it is important to take a bit of time to evaluate whether it is a good goal. Why do I want a table? Will I sell it? If I keep it, where will I put it? What sort of table do I want? Will it be an elegant dining table, or a tilt-able artist’s or drafting table, a simple table for beside my bed, or some other sort of table? Once I have decided what type of table to make, determining whether it is a worthwhile goal is essential. I'll need to ask questions like: If I want to keep it, do I have need of it and room for it? If I wish to sell it, are there interested buyers, can I at least break even on it, or even earn a little profit? Having gained clarity that the goal is worth pursuing and has outcomes which, as far as I can discern from my research, seem desirable, I must then consider the realism of the goal. Do I have the skills and tools necessary to craft such a table? Can I obtain the necessary materials and tools and workspace? Do I have the time needed for the project?

 

Having set and refined a goal, we can finally move on to the step of creating a plan to build the project. I will need blueprints; I might draft or obtain them from another source. From the blueprints, I can then derive a list of necessary materials and tools. I can also create a project plan, the steps and timeline for the project. Only at this point, am I ready to begin working on my project.

 

Please note how much effort has gone into the creation of a table before a single board is selected, furthermore measured and cut to the proper length. With this process in mind, let us turn our attention to the college preparation process.

 

Preparing for college takes just as much, if not more, preparation than preparing to build a table does. This is complicated by a few realities. Because human beings are involved, going to college is necessarily a multifaceted endeavor. Students are educated both by intellectual undertakings as well as by their life experiences on campus. Their character is shaped in significant ways, psychologically, spiritually, and socially by their college studies and experiences. Because of all of these factors, the definition of “college goals” is necessarily complex, involving intellectual and career preparation as well as personal development considerations.

 

College preparation includes a few additional complicating factors. First, the primary person involved, who must, necessarily, remain at the heart of the process, is an inexperienced, immature human being, a teenaged person who has very limited life experienced and who is not fully developmentally mature. This young person is at the heart of the process since it is his or her life that is being considered.. It is absolutely imperative that our young people have support and direction provided by caring adults. The nature of this period of development indicates that parents are not typically the best providers of this guidance. The youth is exploring his or her identity and interests and needs their parents support and guidance as well as the freedom to experiment. By the nature of the parent-child relationship, a weightiness exists. Parents want their children to do well; children want the esteem and affirmation of their parents. These are natural goods that God embedded in these precious relationships. The freedom to explore and experiment with possible future endeavors is often impeded, however, by the weightiness of these relationships. Young people relate to other adults differently than they do with their parents. Opportunities to evaluate freely the multitude of possible careers and academic fields of study exist with these extra-familial relationships.

 

From my first conversation with every student, I ask questions, prodding him or her to begin to consider these various facets of the question, "Why do I want to go to college?" Over the past twenty years, I have had the privilege of mentoring countless teens through this process of self-examination and discovery, exploration of the possibilities for their futures, and of crafting the goal, the blueprints, the steps and timeline, as well as coaching them as they take those steps toward their goal, while continuing to evaluate and refine the goal. Please ensure that your teen has the opportunity to receive such support and mentorship from middle school through high school and through their post-high school steps into adulthood, whether they include college or not.

To schedule a consultation for you and your teen to meet with Katherine, email kob@celticcollegeconsultants.com and she will help you schedule your personal online meeting.

Essential Life Skills Teens Must Learn Before They Leave Home

Photo by Kipras Štreimikis on Unsplash

Article by Katherine O'Brien, ThD candidate, Certified College Planning Specialist

This is what we hope for when we visit our children in their first apartment or dorm suite. Such a scene, full of cleanliness and orderliness, does not happen automatically.

 While many of us are aware of good study habits, carefully course selection, the ability to attain top test scores, and basic time management as skills we need to help our teens develop, there are a host of additional skills they also need in order to flourish once they move out of our homes, whether to work or to study at university.

Here is the list I use when I work with my students, particularly during the Spring of their senior year.

Domestic Skills

Meal planning, shopping, and preparation

Cleaning a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living area properly

Maintaining a yard - in every season

Laundry - treating stains, sorting clothes, proper care of garments, proper storage, use of a hamper, not the floor for dirty and wet clothes and towels

Cleaning hair out of a sink, shower, and/or tub drain

Pushing chairs in after use/ Tidying up after yourself in general

Trash management - use the bin, not the floor!

Clipping nails over a waste basket

Be a Good Roommate

Say please and thank you as necessary

Make eye contact during conversations

No electronics during meals and around company in general

Be kind to strangers

Be on time 

Keep promises

Be trustworthy

Don't gossip

Know how to resolve conflicts and work through difficulties

Financial Skills

Budgeting

Know how to pay bills - online, cash, with check

Understand how insurance works (home, car, life, health)

Understand how debt works, and how to avoid it, and how to get out of it as needed

Understand taxes - how they work, how to file, state, federal 

Self Care

Make own appointments

Arrange own transportation - walk, bike, car, taxi/uber/lyft, bus, train, plane

Manage time

Know how to get help when needed - practical, repairs, counseling, tutoring, medical, etc.

Learn from mistakes and failures

What strategies can you use to manage stress? 

Pay attention to yourself. Are you flourishing or surviving?

College (and Life) Plan/Goals

What do you want to learn? Academically, personally, socially, etc.

How do you want to show up? Be intentional.

What experiences do you want to have? To avoid?

Networking - who and what kinds of people do you want to meet? social, professional, professors, mentors, peers, etc.

What programs/opportunities do you want to participate in during your junior and senior year? How can you prepare for them?

How can you best organize your tasks and your time?

 

Turning Test Scores into Scholarships, Lower Costs, & More

 

by Katherine O'Brien, MA CCPS, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

As PSAT scores are released, another world of opportunities is opened to teens and their parents. Unfortunately, most are blind to the possibilities.

Test Scores Direct the College Search

Selecting a college is a task with many steps. Finding the right environment to develop in as a person is a daunting task. There are numerous factors to consider. Most students don't consider schools very far from home. Whether the propensity to choose a college close to home is due to a lack of confidence, the enticement of in state tuition (at public universities), the familiarity of schools nearby, or some other reason, it's important to make the decision carefully.

In addition to social factors and educational opportunities in line with each student's inclinations and goals, academic fit is a very significant factor. Several years ago, Purdue did a study evaluating the happiness of alumni and its relationship with which college they attended. Fundamentally, they explored whether which college one attends impacts one's happiness in life. Their findings surprised them. Where one attends college does not make the most importance with regard to future happiness. What was more important is what one does while at college - having a mentor, people who care about our personal and scholarly growth, participating in long term projects and internships - these factors make the most impact on students' lives. Another study showed that those who finish in the bottom half of the class, even at prestigious schools like Harvard, did not fare as well in life as those who finished in the top portion of their class. 

Test scores are indicators of where one's academic skills fall in the spectrum of students across the country, from public schools to home schools to elite boarding schools. Using scores to determine academic fit is a powerful indicator of a key factor when choosing colleges to visit, apply to, and, ultimately, attend. Many believe that, if their score is within the range listed for a school, that school is a good fit. In a sense, that is true, in another sense it is not. As a college consultant, I direct my students to use those scores to identify schools where they will thrive.

Test Scores Lead to Scholarships

90% of scholarship dollars comes from the colleges themselves. Some of these are tied to financial need while others are tied both to academic qualifications as well as financial need. Some scholarships are won solely by academic factors. Many of those schools list their scholarships in the financial aid section of their websites. With more colleges adopting test optional admissions policies, finding this information has become more difficult. Diligent research is necessary.

Test Scores Lead to Lower College Costs

For more than a decade, the average time to graduate with a bachelor's degree in the US has been SIX years. The dramatic rise in student debt is a side effect of this since most aid ends after four years. Students who use their scores to research colleges thoroughly also tend to take the time during high school to seriously explore possible careers and the related academic majors. These tasks are key to graduating college in four years. Changing majors and/or transferring colleges almost always leads to graduating with credits that don't count toward graduation requirements. Those credits cost time and money to earn nonetheless.

Using scores to identify special learning opportunities such as honors programs and honors colleges also helps students graduate in four years. Honors students typically live together as a community and enjoy privileges like registering for classes before the other students on campus, thus guaranteeing that they will not have problems accessing required courses because they are full.

Lastly, situating oneself among other highly motivated students on one's college campus provides peer pressure to study well, complete one's work well, and take sufficient course loads each term to graduate on time.

Navigating the complexities of college selection, exploring possible majors, programs, campuses, and careers, as well as developing leadership skills are all difficult for teens to do on their own. College consultants like myself work hard to lead teens through these challenges. 

To schedule a consultation with Katherine, email her at KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com

College Visits Worth Making

by Katherine O'Brien, MA CCPS

Founder, Celtic College Consultants

Choosing a college is a complex tasks. Many people focus on external factors like reputation or rankings but fail to do the in-depth student focused analysis required in order to identify colleges where your teen can not merely get a degree but can also thrive during his or her college years. Students who thrive graduate with more confidence and are better prepared to deal with life after college with all its opportunities and challenges.

Students need to be engaged, connected, challenged, and cared about. On campus, these needs can be met in various ways. Ideally, they are met in through a variety of experiences. Every student is different so the optimal cluster of opportunities will vary significantly from student to student. Nonetheless, there are several modalities common between them.

Academic connections can be built with other students, professors, graduate students, tutors, as well as through clubs, internships, research and exploratory opportunities, and short and long term off campus trips of various kinds. Rich, lively discussion groups (both academically focused and interdisciplinary) are actively fostered in and out of the classroom on some campuses. These can be manifested through honors colleges, living/learning communities, and other campus groups. Explore those in his or her field of interest. Find some that appeal to your teen. Even introverts need to have some connections!

Becoming connected, challenged, and cared for can also happen through the faith community on campus. Working together to serve the poor, to pray, to deepen one's faith, to prepare for worship services, to go on retreats and mission trips and the like are all examples of ways nurturing relationships can be built on campus. Don't forget to visit the Newman center or campus ministry office when you visit campus. Does it feel like a "home away from home" for your student?

Intramural sports, clubs of various kinds, and other ad hoc groups on campus can also be a rich source of affirmation and belonging for students. These are often completely unrelated to academics, which can provide a healthy balance. After all, even the most dedicated students are not studying machine, but are human beings! Whether it's quidditch, golf, swing dancing, chess, kite flying, or something else, encourage your teen to find his or her niche on campus.

Lastly, immersive educations which include high impact practices often make a decided difference between attending college and thriving on campus. Unfortunately, many, many collegians never have even one of these experiences. Look for them as you explore perspective colleges: internships, service learning, hands on learning, project based learning, study abroad, and other experiential learning opportunities. These have been shown to have a positive and often profound impact on students' lives. Finding good mentors (academic, personal, spiritual, etc.), being involved in long term projects and activities, forming connections in multiple campus communities also have a significant impact on students' well-being and college outcomes.

Signs that Your Child is Ready for College

By Katherine O'Brien, MA CCPS, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

Experts have noticed that there are signs we can observe in high school students which are pretty reliable indications of whether they are ready for life on campus, or not. The fact that a student is accepted into a university is not an indication of his or her ability to be successful on campus. Admissions looks for academic prowess and intellectual curiousity and, to some extent, leadership skills. They do not evaluate each applicant's "soft" skills.

How do you know if your teen is ready for college?

Living on campus is quite different from living at home with a supportive family, friends, teachers, familiar places and groups. How can we discern whether our teen is emotionally ready? Are they mature enough? (And how much can we expect them to mature between now and when they move onto campus?) Are they ready to build a new network of support people and friends, as well as academic mentors?

There has been a significant flow of students onto campus, then back home again after a disastrous first semester or year.

What happened when I put what my son needed ahead of what "everyone" was doing

It can be difficult to be realistic with ourselves. It's easy, as parents, to just flow along and assume our child is ready for college, just like his or her peers. When my oldest son was a senior, he applied to several schools, was accepted, and was offered some hefty scholarships. At the same time, our family had gone through major upheavals during his high school years and, as I watched, he began to unravel psychologically during his senior year. We discussed it several times through the winter and into the early spring. Finally, I sat in prayer, in silence away from home, and looked at the signs of anxiety and immaturity he was displaying. On the one hand, I saw an intelligent, curious, capable Eagle Scout. On the other hand, was a boy with a wounded heart, some serious uncertainties about navigating socially, and fear about moving to the other side of the country, where he knew no one, to a campus we had visited and truly liked. When I was honest, I could see that he needed time. He needed to step out of the "typical" flow and sort himself out. I can't tell you how relieved he was when I sat down with him privately and gently asked what he thought about not going off to college right after high school. His whole demeanor changed. He had been pushing himself to do what he thought was expected. His perception of my expectations were heightened because of my work as a college consultant. And I had to put his needs before my "bragging rights." Ten years later, he still hasn't decided about college. He has a stable full time job that can become a career, and he is much more stable emotionally. Having five younger siblings, but no father, he stepped in in some ways to help anchor the family and help his siblings on their own journeys to adulthood.

Questions to Start to Assess Your Teen's Readiness for College

1. Who is driving?

The college application process takes months and has many facets. Who is leading the way? Are you finding yourself (or your college consultant (me, I hope!)) dragging your child through the process? (If you are having to push him/her through the process, is this new, or is procrastination typical behavior for your teen?) Is he or she discussing college and major possibilities with you?

If your teen isn't the one making the decision to go to college (and why to go), either on his/her own or under the mentorship of myself or one of my colleagues, that is a red flag. If your teen isn't finding interesting and desirable opportunities on the campuses under consideration, that's a concern. Either s/he isn't doing the research into the possibilities or s/he may not be really interested.

2. Can your teen cope with setbacks?

The teen years are full of changes and transitions. Academic, social, and romantic successes and setbacks are plentiful. While this can be rather intense during the teen years, these sorts of occurrences continue in adulthood, and are a normal part of life.

Notice how your teen handles these challenging moments. When a quiz or exam result is not as good as was expected, how do they handle it? What do they do when relationships encounter difficulties or end? Are music, drugs, alcohol, or self-harm their primary method of coping with these situations? How do they handle doubts? Do they find a compassionate sounding board or do they seek someone to "rescue" them and solve their problem for them? Can they handle problems without parental help? Having a strong relationship with your teen is important; nonetheless, s/he needs to learn to manage without us, too.

The inability to cope with setbacks well is something that could well undermine your teen's ability to be successful on campus. Room- and dorm-mate conflicts will happen. Relationships will break down. And academic challenges will be plentiful.

3. Can your teen manage self-care independently?

Basic life skills must be in place before our teens move away. Setting times to retire and to rise, taking care of personal hygiene, organizing one's tasks, and keeping their room and desk in order are absolutely essential skills teens must have in order to be successful on campus. The ability to determine what and when to eat is another basic skill some of our teens lack. 

When the opportunity to drink alcohol, use drugs, or do wild and crazy things arises, is your teen able to make responsible choices? Can s/he exercise self-control? Is s/he able to handle the consequences of their decisions? I was ever so grateful that, as a 17 year old freshman at Northwestern, I absolutely knew how to handle alcohol and get myself out of uncomfortable situations. I watched other freshmen end up in situations they didn't want to be in. Having learned from my parents and extended family, I was able to manage difficult situations successfully.

Another area teens need to be able to manage is making travel arrangements. Whether s/he needs to get off campus for a medical (or other) appointment or travel to a conference or home for a visit, your teen needs to know how to organize a trip. S/he also needs to be able to manage a budget for the trip, and for the semester.

Lastly, our days of advocating for our teens are coming to an end. They need to learn how to advocate for themselves with teachers, doctors, in social situations, etc. Learning to ask questions and get the information and assistance you need can be daunting. Be sure your teen can do these things.

4. What to do? When to do it?

The rhythm of life on campus is completely different from typical high school and work routines. Some independent homeschoolers have a college-like routine. Everyone else must adjust. Life on campus requires strong time management skills. A college student's week can look like it is full of free time and opportunities to have fun. In a sense, it is. In another, this is a serious deception.

For some, this unfamiliar need to organize their work and schedule their days will cause them to take charge of their lives and capitalize on the many opportunities available on and off campus. For other students, the flexibility will lull them into thinking they have plenty of time to "do it later." These students end up being led through their days by the next fun sounding event, rather than doing their work in the stages and time frames they need to perform at their highest level. 

Teens who regularly miss turning in assignments, or typically procrastinate then cram for tests or churn out sub-par papers are throwing up red flags that they are not yet ready for the demands of college life. These teens have not learned to manage their time and their work and will seriously struggle to be successful when they get to campus.

5. Help!

Teens need to become aware of the times when they need help, whether it is a ride to an event, a session with a teacher or tutor to clarify concepts, or medical appointments or counseling support. Parents are conditioned to notice these needs and arrange for the necessary help. Teens need to both learn how to assess their own situations, noting problems, then seek appropriate help. They also need to be able to ask for help determining what options there are for getting the assistance they need. 

Related to this is the ability to rebound after problems and failures. During high school, teens need to demonstrate that they can recover from their failures and learn from them. In fact, failures are among the best learning opportunities offered in life. They need to seek help as needed, too, and from the proper sources. Asking a friend to talk you through the pain of a break up might be adequate; asking that friend to talk you through the pain of a broken arm certainly is not.

6. When Everything Falls Apart

Teens (and adults!) make mistakes. The prefrontal cortex of the brain (the decision making center) is not fully developed yet.  Therefore, their ability to make good judgments is still developing, as is their ability to control their impulses. Given that, making the kinds of decisions they will be able to make when their brain is fully developed is not a reasonable expectation. However, some basic exercise of good judgment as well as the ability to take responsibility for their misjudgments is key. 

Sometimes parents respond to a situation with some sort of statement like, "Do that again and you won't be going off to college next year!" to impress the gravity of the misjudgment on their teens. Many are quite shaken by what has happened and will make changes. Those who do not are showing signs that they are not ready to live independently just yet.

7. Trial Independence

Opportunities to manage themselves when away from the family are great opportunities to see how they do and to highlight areas that need further skill development. Camping trips, retreats, conferences, summer programs, visits to relatives and trusted family friends are all opportunities for our teens to manage themselves, show that they can handle various situations, and make good decisions. These occasions are encouraging both to you and your teen.

8. Danger! That's Risky!

College life offers many opportunities to engage in risky behavior. Consequently, collegians need to assess the riskiness of various choices on a continual basis. Is your teen able to consider the consequences of his or her choices and actions? Has s/he shifted from the "What will happen if I get caught?" way of thinking to considering what could go wrong if I choose this particular course of action.  Realistically and holistically evaluating the possible outcomes is essential.

9. What's Their Plan?

As mentioned above, some students just go with the flow of "everyone" and head off to college. These students are there, but they don't have a focus or a purpose yet. That's a shame. It can also lead to a 6 (or more!) year path to earning their undergraduate degree. Students who go to college are people who are in an environment rich with opportunities for personal, scholarly, and spiritual growth. Those who are on campus because their parents want them there or their friends are there are not poised to make very much of those opportunities. 

Given the expense of college, it astounds me, year after year, that so many arrive on campus without much of an idea about why they are there. Taking the time to create plans and goals that are realistic and well suited to the student is essential. When I work with students, I spend time with them in Spring of senior year exploring the opportunities on campus, including social, academic, spiritual, and more. I help them define concrete goals for what they will look for and participate in when they arrive on campus.

For more information about the many benefits of working with a college consultant, and for information about meeting with Ms. O'Brien to discuss your student's needs, please visit her website: CelticCollegeConsultants.com

Get in the Groove to Succeed at Life (and School)!!

As I see it, we humans have two choices.  We can do the things that will make us successful, or we can be miserable.  For those who aren't sure, please watch: 7 Ways to be Miserable  Then you'll see just how to ruin, eh hmmm, improve your life.

In fact, setting clearly defined goals and a set daily rhythm is a  GREAT way to start your school year.  Even the most accomplished among us can improve their way of life, so take a few minutes to explore -

What's my sleep cycle like?  If you'd like to reek havoc on your life, be more depressed and less productive, have an irregular sleep cycle.  Keep your body confused about when to rest and when to rise, and you'll be more miserable by the day.  Happily, it only takes three days/nights to "reset" your body clock.  So, determine the optimum time to arise in the morning, count back 8 1/2 hours, and set that as your bedtime.  The MOST important set time in your day is your bedtime.  Give yourself half an hour to wrap up your day and get ready for bed, then let your head fall gently on your pillow.  If you need more sleep, adjust the plan accordingly.

Do I ever get moving?  Feeling good involves getting your motor running.  Just pouring coffee down your throat to wash down your sugar laden "breakfast" will not do the trick.  God gave us bodies on purpose.  In order to get our minds working, able to focus and concentrate, settle our moods, slow down our fidgets, get out and walk, run, swim, bike, etc.  Take a good half hour every morning to move your body.  Then, take a refreshing shower, eat a decent breakfast (which you'll be more interested in after exercising than you typically are), and get on with your day.

Is silence my friend?  Our worlds are NOISY!!!  I can't get a moment to clear my head, can you??  Integrating time in silence each day is calming, centering, and enables our minds to rest.  Meditation or prayer or Scriptural or spiritual reading can be part of this time, but they don't have to be.  Just sit under a tree, spend time alone, swim, whatever.  Yep, this can be combined with exercise, if that works for you.  Some people find using headphones or earbuds to be really helpful.  Just because I have them in my ears doesn't mean I have them connected to anything or am listening to anything.  I might just be using them to help my world be more quiet.  Journaling or drawing or coloring might be good things to do in your silent time.  Just let your thoughts rest and just be.  Just rest in God's presence, notice the beauty around you, just breathe.  Let your mind and your body and your soul get grounded for the day in the quiet.  Use a timer so you don't have to worry about when the time will end.  Let go - and be still.

What's the point?  Why did you get up today? this week? this month? this year?  "Uh, I dunno." is not an answer that is going to get you out of bed.  Set some goals.  Ask yourself where you want to be in a year.  What skills do you want to acquire?  What grades do you want to earn? Promotion do you want to secure?  Growth in virtue do you desire?  WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS.  Make them specific.  My goal is to score at least 90% on every test this semester.  I plan to lose 5 pounds or gain an inch around my biceps.  I will count to three when I am upset and must respond, and I will be calm when I respond to X person,who tends to aggravate me, demand a lot, etc.  Make the goal measurable - set it so you can clearly determine whether you have accomplished it or not.  Make the goal realistic, something you can actually put into practice, "Actionable" in modern parlance.  In three months, I will be fluent in a language I know nothing of is, for the vast majority of us, an unrealistic goal.  Make sure your goal is realistic - I will keep my room 100% tidy at all times is a great goal.  However, accomplishing it when you have three roommates is not realistic; you can only determine your own actions.  Lastly, give your goal a deadline.  I will lose 15 pounds is a great goal - but it's not so possible when I have no deadline - I can always have that treat and put off my goal until some undefined future date.

Regulate Your Intake.  Garbage in, garbage out.  Junk food is called junk for a reason.  What's your favorite drug?  Winston? Marlboro? Pot? Sugar? Caffeine?  Nearly everyone in the US is a drug user.  We eat FAR more sugar than ever before and it makes our brains feel blah, feeds cancer and cavity causing bacteria, stresses out our livers, and can make us become diabetics.  Oh yeah, it also makes us fat and messes with our moods.  When we don't sleep right, we turn to caffeine.  Caffeine is very slow to leave our bodies.  A cup of coffee at 8am leaves enough caffeine in your body to disrupt your sleep schedule.  Let's not even consider having pop with lunch or dinner!

Am I Connected?  Spending time with friends is important.  We feel connected by our shared interests and activities.  We relax and have fun and enjoy the pleasures of life.  Movies are better with a friend (or a whole gaggle of them!)  Go to a game or a play or a concert.  Toss a frisbee around.  Take time at the lake or on the slopes or for a walk in the woods, good alone time, great with friends, too.  Dance, sing, play games, decorate your room, etc.  Have some fun!  We are social creatures.  Even when your workload is heavy, take a little time to connect with others (and don't spend all that time complaining about your workload!).  Do something fun for a bit... and you'll feel refreshed when you turn back to your work.