Fostering Teens' Dreams into Reality

 by Katherine O'Brien, Certified College Planning Specialist, ThD Candidate

 

Post-COVID there are more options than ever for post high school education and training. Ages 18-23 is a key time in our lives.  This is wonderful, and challenging. Sorting through aspirations and hopes and their "wildest dreams" is essential. Some of those will be impractical while others will become lifelong passions and realities.

 

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” -Steven Spielberg

....and, this is easier to do when you are NOT their parent.

Teens know more about their aspirations than they realize. They know what “wicked problem” they want to solve. I help them come to know that, articulate it, then craft a plan with realistic paths to achieve their goals. We start to build a focused curriculum in high school which will be continued in trade school or college college and incorporate experiential learning opportunities into their process. I help teens “reverse engineer” their dreams into action steps they can take during their high school and college years.

 

Don’t do a “reverse transfer. Increasingly students are going to four year universities then transferring to a community college near their home. What a waste of time, effort, money, and what damage is done to their confidence! If a certificate or trade school program makes more sense than a four year degree, let's determine that with clarity during high school and craft a path to success, rather than trying college, failing or opting out (and feeling like a failure) in order to get onto a path better suited for the student and his or her aspirations.

 

80% of college students change their majors, at least once. People have come to think of this as normal. Unfortunately, taking six years to complete a four year degree has also become  "normal". For more than a decade, the average time to complete a bachelor's degree in the US has been six years!!!! The costs of not taking time in high school to discover your purpose is high.

 

THIS IS MY GOAL: to mentor teens who become thriving young adults with little to no debt and solid confidence after their college experiences and education, well equipped to make their contributions to society. To schedule a consultation to explore having Katherine mentor your teen click here.

Campus Readiness Quiz

 

by Katherine O'Brien, ThD Cand., Certified College Planning Specialist

Founder, Celtic College Consultants

 Helping teens be ready for success on campus entails more than helping them develop good study skills and the ability to perform well on tests, oral presentations, and group projects. Numerous personal responsibility skills, interpersonal communication skills, and practical skills are also important as students adapt to independent life on a college campus. This quiz helps teens evaluate their strengths and identify their weaknesses, so they can target their efforts as they finish their preparations to move onto campus.

As I work with teens, I help  them develop these skills. To meet and discuss your teen's college readiness, email me at KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com and request a consultation.

Personal/life skills

Can you regulate your emotions? Calm yourself when you are afraid or irritated? Settle yourself when you are angry or disappointed? Motivate yourself when you feel discouraged?

Can you manage your time well? Exercise self-discipline regarding eating, sleeping, studying, working, having fun, relaxing?

Can you organize large, complex tasks?

Can you resist temptation?

Can you navigate public transportation, uber/lyft, airports, etc. to get where you need to go to get toiletries, medicine, home to visit, etc.?

Can you manage your health needs? Eat well, take prescribed medicines, handle over the counter medical needs like colds, allergies, and the flu? Exercise adequately and regularly? Take meditation and prayer breaks to lower stress?

Can you motivate yourself when you don't "feel like" doing what needs to be done?

Can you adequately reward yourself for successes?

Do you know when to ask for help?

Are you able to manage a minor emergency?

Do you have a stable, effective night routine so you can get to sleep? Do you have the discipline needed to get yourself to bed in time to get enough sleep to be ready for the next day?

Do you have a plan for handling a major crisis, especially if you attend a college more than a couple of hours away from home or your parents travel, have other responsibilities, etc.?

Can you limit texting, etc. adequately in order to be present where you are, able to meet and interact with those near you, not just those not near you?

Interpersonal skills

Can you handle interpersonal conflict well? Compromise or negotiate respectfully in order to settle a dispute? 

Can you set boundaries with people, setting the stage for being treated with respect?

Can you say you are sorry when you need to? Make necessary amends? Let go of grievances?

Do you have a plan to regularly communicate with your parents so they aren't dropping by or calling and texting constantly and so you don't get too lonesome?

Can you advocate for yourself as needed? 

Are you welcoming? Can you make friends?

Practical skills

Can you do laundry? Treat common stains? Take care of specialty garments and fabrics?

Can you budget your money? Track your expenditures and your bank balance(s)? Can you say no to impulse spending opportunities, be they pizza, events, or online specials?

Do you know how to present yourself? In an interview? Informally with a professor in order to give a good impression, gain trust, and build a mentor/mentee relationship? 

Can you ask for help when you need it? Whether a lost student ID or key (contact security) or mental health crisis (for yourself or another), a medical need of some sort (when to go to the clinic, urgent care, or the ER), go to the writing center, seek out a tutor, get directions, or some other need?

Can you keep your things organized and your room tidy? Can you clean a bathroom? a kitchen?

Can you decorate your living space in a way that invites people to feel welcome, and yourself to rest and relax? Your room is your oasis on campus, can you utilize it well?

Do you know where to find the library, counseling center, health clinic, gym, professors' offices, classrooms, printing center(s), tutoring center(s), writing center(s) on campus? 

If you need support services, can you self-advocate to arrange for them?

Do you read your emails regularly? Colleges communicate important information yet many students don't read it. This can cause you from not being registered for classes, not getting credit for your courses, getting kicked off campus for non-payment, and many other headaches.

Do you know what a bursar's office is? It's the place you pay for your tuition and other bills from the college/university.

Do you know what the registrar's office is?

What is a syllabus? Why does it matter?

What are the dining options on your campus and how do you plan to use your flex dollars so you don't run out nor go hungry?

Where can you go on campus to get some time alone, some time to recharge, rest your mind, de-stress?

What does an academic advisor do? 

Why should you go to the career office starting your freshman year? What help can they offer you?

Where do you get specialty advising (like double major, honors college, or pre-professional) on your campus?

Do you have reading and assignments due before your first class meets? How do you find out?

What do you do if your laptop breaks?

Where do you go to get medicine? Is there a pharmacy on campus or nearby?

What are the best places to study on your campus?

How do you learn whether your paper is up to college standards?

How and when do you need to re-file a FAFSA or other aid application forms for subsequent years of college?

How can campus security help you? Are you wise enough to call for a night security escort when needed?

Preparing Teens to Launch Successfully

 by Katherine O'Brien ThD Candidate, Certified College Planning Specialist

Butterflies are beautiful! With their large delicate wings and surprising coloration they captivate us.

As we know, they start as caterpillars, then hide away in a cocoon to transform, eventually emerging after a slow wriggling struggle to work their way out of the confines of that small space.

Our children also go through a transformation process, not quite as all-encompassing as the change from caterpillar to butterfly, yet incredibly complex nonetheless.

TWO MISTAKES WELL MEANING PARENTS OFTEN MAKE

We love our children and want them to do well. Guiding them through the years of transition is challenging, requiring much discernment and effort. Over my two decades of working with teens, I have noticed two major mistakes that well meaning parents make. The first is to stifle all growth, keeping teens tightly controlled. The second is an extreme hands off, laissez-faire approach. There's another way that avoids the pitfalls of both.

1. STANDING GUARD

Protecting our children from the dangers of the world is definitely one of our responsibilities as parents. When they come to us, they are completely defenseless. By the time they leave, we sometimes forget, they need to be able to defend themselves. Transitioning them, step by step, is a delicate process, a process that requires knowing one's child very well and constantly discerning what information to share at what depth at each stage of their growth. Pain is a part of life. Pets and beloved friends and relatives die and loss must be borne. Friendships come, and friendships end.

Over the past twenty years, opportunities for young people to take on increasing responsibility for themselves continue to exist. However, the willingness of parents to permit, furthermore encourage, this growth has diminished steadily, then shut down completely during the pandemic. Far too many bright, capable youth have never cooked a meal, washed their own laundry, or held a job. Every year I work with seniors about to finish high school, only months from leaving home from college. I work diligently with them all, orienting them to college academics and life. I am stunned by the number who have been driven door to door all their lives, scheduled by their parents, and catered to in every way. With no opportunities to take on responsibilities, these students, in steadily increasing numbers, arrive at college completely ill prepared for anything but the schoolwork. This needs to change!

Teens need to learn to get themselves where they need to be prepared and on time. They need to manage their own calendars, organizing their various responsibilities. They absolutely need to have responsibilities in the home, whether it's handling their own laundry, preparing meals once a week, caring for the yard, or something else. Regular routine tasks that they are responsible for and held accountable to take care of. If they have extra activities that preclude completing their chores for a time, they need to make arrangements for someone else to accomplish those tasks, and they need to see that  their substitute did them well!

KEY TO TEEN MATURITY: ACCOUNTABILITY TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE FAMILY

Having a job is now a rarity. What an incredible opportunity for growth! Being responsible to someone who is not in your family forces you to grow. There is no "wiggle room." A boss expects you to be on time every time, ready to do the work at hand with a good demeanor, etc. This accountability to people outside the family is absolutely key to teen growth.

2. GIVING ROOM TO EXPLORE

Some teens are completely unfettered, allowed to pursue their interests as they desire. They are encouraged to explore and supported with freedom to roam through the opportunities in life. 

This allows young people freedom to discover interests outside the confines of the courses offered at school and the standard clubs and sports. Our society has so many interesting possibilities. I've spoken with young blacksmiths, pilots, and international travels, to name just a few. I've worked with young people who were responsible for much of the care of their grandparents who were ailing, needed medication management, doctor's visits translated, mobility assistance in the home and more.

Some of these teens have thrived, to an extent. Many struggled with a sense of having been abandoned. While they appreciated the opportunities, they were pained by the lack of support or guidance that came along with the license and freedom they'd been given. This was very difficult for them to navigate, these feelings of both gratitude and resentment they felt.

FINDING BALANCE

Just as a caterpillar turned butterfly must work its way slowly, millimeter by millimeter, out of the chrysalis, so our teens need opportunities to grow, step by step, into adults. They need both enough freedom to explore and try and fail and guidance and support and protection so they learn from their mistakes, have the necessary discernment to decide which opportunities to take and which to skip. as well as encouragement along the way.

Opportunities for teens to work with adults who are not their parents helps them mature, explore their strengths, learn new things, take on responsibilities, and more. My sons, for example, were involved in the Boy Scouts for years (I have three Eagle Scout sons to show for it!), a program designed specifically to inculcate maturity and solid values (trustworthiness, courage, helpfulness, friendliness, reverence, etc.) in youth. Many of our priests were Scouts as teens (read more).

Mentors are essential in teens' lives. Adults who are not their parents can be sounding boards for new interests. Mentors are invaluable, assisting teens through failures, helping them through the sting of the loss as well as guiding them to learn from those experiences. 

HOW I, AS A COLLEGE CONSULTANT, FIT IN

A significant part of my work with teens, especially during their freshman and sophomore years is mentoring them. I guide them as they adjust to high school life, explore various interests, and test their wings in various leadership roles. With me, they explore possible careers and college majors, learning more about what those fields are and how they, with their gifts, talents, interests, and personalities might do in them. When they are ready, the teens involve their parents in that conversation.

We need to give our kids the gift of time with other adults so they can sort themselves out. Sharing their interests with parents is a significant step. They want us to be proud of them. They need parental encouragement, as well as our carefully worded concerns. They need to know that their relationship with their parents is strong, despite the upheavals along the journey from childhood to adulthood.

To schedule a family meeting with Katherine so your teen can discuss his or her accomplishments and hopes and dreams, you all can get your college prep, admissions, costs, and aid questions answered, please email her: KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com or call her at (858) 705-0043.

The Critical College Prep Question Almost No One is Asking

 

by Katherine O'Brien, Th.D. Candidate, Founder of Celtic College Consultants

 

I am endlessly amazed as I look around the college prep profession and see the complete omission of THE most important consideration from my colleagues’ awareness and efforts.

 

THE Critical college prep question:

 

Why go to college? 

 

Let me expand on that a bit: What’s the point? What are your goals? What do you seek by going to college? 

 

This question requires us to examine the end, the purpose, of the endeavor of going to college. Looking to the end requires no small effort, I will admit. However, this effort is essential for a successful journey. Rarely does a person begin a journey or a project without a destination or goal in mind. Let's explore this by considering an example.

 

If I prepare my workbench by bringing out a pile of lumber, nails, drills, sanders, hammers, and the like, but have no goal, all I have is a mess. At the same time, having a goal, while absolutely essential, is not enough. To continue with my example, if I have decided to build a table, that’s a good goal. However, I am not yet ready to begin my work, am I?

 

Once a goal has been set, it is important to take a bit of time to evaluate whether it is a good goal. Why do I want a table? Will I sell it? If I keep it, where will I put it? What sort of table do I want? Will it be an elegant dining table, or a tilt-able artist’s or drafting table, a simple table for beside my bed, or some other sort of table? Once I have decided what type of table to make, determining whether it is a worthwhile goal is essential. I'll need to ask questions like: If I want to keep it, do I have need of it and room for it? If I wish to sell it, are there interested buyers, can I at least break even on it, or even earn a little profit? Having gained clarity that the goal is worth pursuing and has outcomes which, as far as I can discern from my research, seem desirable, I must then consider the realism of the goal. Do I have the skills and tools necessary to craft such a table? Can I obtain the necessary materials and tools and workspace? Do I have the time needed for the project?

 

Having set and refined a goal, we can finally move on to the step of creating a plan to build the project. I will need blueprints; I might draft or obtain them from another source. From the blueprints, I can then derive a list of necessary materials and tools. I can also create a project plan, the steps and timeline for the project. Only at this point, am I ready to begin working on my project.

 

Please note how much effort has gone into the creation of a table before a single board is selected, furthermore measured and cut to the proper length. With this process in mind, let us turn our attention to the college preparation process.

 

Preparing for college takes just as much, if not more, preparation than preparing to build a table does. This is complicated by a few realities. Because human beings are involved, going to college is necessarily a multifaceted endeavor. Students are educated both by intellectual undertakings as well as by their life experiences on campus. Their character is shaped in significant ways, psychologically, spiritually, and socially by their college studies and experiences. Because of all of these factors, the definition of “college goals” is necessarily complex, involving intellectual and career preparation as well as personal development considerations.

 

College preparation includes a few additional complicating factors. First, the primary person involved, who must, necessarily, remain at the heart of the process, is an inexperienced, immature human being, a teenaged person who has very limited life experienced and who is not fully developmentally mature. This young person is at the heart of the process since it is his or her life that is being considered.. It is absolutely imperative that our young people have support and direction provided by caring adults. The nature of this period of development indicates that parents are not typically the best providers of this guidance. The youth is exploring his or her identity and interests and needs their parents support and guidance as well as the freedom to experiment. By the nature of the parent-child relationship, a weightiness exists. Parents want their children to do well; children want the esteem and affirmation of their parents. These are natural goods that God embedded in these precious relationships. The freedom to explore and experiment with possible future endeavors is often impeded, however, by the weightiness of these relationships. Young people relate to other adults differently than they do with their parents. Opportunities to evaluate freely the multitude of possible careers and academic fields of study exist with these extra-familial relationships.

 

From my first conversation with every student, I ask questions, prodding him or her to begin to consider these various facets of the question, "Why do I want to go to college?" Over the past twenty years, I have had the privilege of mentoring countless teens through this process of self-examination and discovery, exploration of the possibilities for their futures, and of crafting the goal, the blueprints, the steps and timeline, as well as coaching them as they take those steps toward their goal, while continuing to evaluate and refine the goal. Please ensure that your teen has the opportunity to receive such support and mentorship from middle school through high school and through their post-high school steps into adulthood, whether they include college or not.

To schedule a consultation for you and your teen to meet with Katherine, email kob@celticcollegeconsultants.com and she will help you schedule your personal online meeting.