What is the biggest difference between high school and college?

 

Dear teen,

 

In high school, you are told where to be, what to do. You are reminded, over and over, about big assignments, upcoming tests and trips, everything. The vast majority of every day is scripted. When to be places, what sorts of clothes are acceptable to wear, how to wear your hair, which shoes are cool, which clubs to join, sports to play, to be part of the "in crowd," or one of the" in crowds" if your school boasts more than one - maybe there are cool athletes, cool theatre geeks, and cool tech wizards in your world.

 

Then you apply to college, to the same colleges as the other kids you know, whether or not their favorite school is a good fit for you, whether you have a clue what you want to study or not. Just getting pushed along down a stream of expectations, hemmed in on every side.

 

Then, one day, after a summer of feeling lost, no longer in high school but not really anywhere else in life yet, one hot day in August (or September for a few of you), you arrive on campus with a car full of stuff and two parents who are acting weird, trying not to show that they are excited for you and terrified at the same time. Two parents who will miss you and who are also thrilled to see you start to fly out of the nest. Parents who fuss over your room and take you shopping for all the things you forgot or didn’t know you absolutely had to have for your teeny tiny little dorm room.

 

When they drive away, reality sets in. Life is completely different now. Somehow you figure out where to go to get food, ‘cause that’s really important. You float along into some orientation meetings. A few days in it hits you. Everything is different now.

 

Now you have to lead your own life.

 

No one will tell you when to awaken, whether to brush your teeth or put your clothes in the laundry bag/hamper thing or onto the floor under your bed. No one will bother you if you stay up really late, eat four helpings of ice cream instead of supper, or skip meals altogether.

 

Somehow, magically, you are expected to know how to run your own life. Ridiculous isn’t it? Even if you were homeschooled, you’ve been being told where to be and what to do and how to live your life every day, until now. Now you are at college. Now you are “on your own.” Those words sounded sweet, freeing, even captivating. Being on your own, making your own rules, doing your own thing.

 

FREEDOM!

 

This is the real test. It wasn’t the ACT or SAT or the crazy college application essays. It wasn’t the nail biting wait for admissions decisions, scholarship offers, financial packages.  This, now, is the test.

 

Who will you choose to be? How will you lead your own life. THAT is the question. THAT is what is different. Now that you are here, it’s ALL up to you. To register for classes, show up to class, do the reading, the problem sets, or not. To sleep or eat, have fun, make friends, or not. To get involved, be curious, stay in your room all the time, go off campus and wander, or not. EVERYTHING is up to you. Will you ask for help when you need it? Will you lie about your past, creating a perfect home life or parents with interesting histories? Will you be true to yourself? Now that’s a tough one. Who are you anyway? It’s time to sort that out. You don’t have to do things the way your parents did. You can try different ideas. You can do so many things. Too many, really. It’s incredibly difficult to sort out what to do.

 

Right, It’s time to LEAD YOURSELF.

 

“Wait a second, how am I supposed to do that????” you say, panicked.

 

Right, I hear you. No one taught us how to do this either. Back in the day, when we parents went to college, we also had to sort this out. We had some advantages; you have different ones.

 

While in high school, there are a number of ways you can begin to develop the attitudes and skills that will help you successfully navigate this transition.

 

“Ummm, what do you mean successfully?” Well, unfortunately, many college freshmen go home during first semester or home for Christmas and never return. So, yeah, not everyone is successful when they go off to college. SHOCKER, I know. No one ever tells you this!

 

Here are my top tips to get yourself ready for college:

 

1.     Get a job. You’ll learn to get yourself somewhere on a schedule different from the rest of your family, just like college kids who all have different schedules and each must manage his or her own.

2.     Figure out why YOU want to go to college. What’s the point? What do you want to get out of it? Why do you want that? These might sound flippant, but they aren’t. Take serious time to think about these things. Dig deep. Get real answers, the answers that resonate in your core.

3.     Start to think about who you are and who you want to be. When you get to campus, you get to choose which of your strengths to highlight, which of your weaknesses to work on improving, etc. You get to choose to do things the way your parents taught you to do them, or a new way. You will choose to be a woman or man of good character, or not, you get to choose….

4.     Explore your interests now. Academic, social, career possibilities, hobbies. If you’re interested in something, get curious, start to explore. Read up on the topic, watch videos, try things out, join groups, take classes in and out of school, etc. Once you find yourself deeply interested in something, then start to research what sorts of careers there are in that area. Have a solid, realistic idea of your interests and career prospects before you get to campus. That will help guide you once you get there and have to sort through myriad options.

5.     Learn how to advocate for yourself. Check in to doctor’s appointments by yourself. Schedule your own appointments. Organize your tasks and projects and household responsibilities. Manage your time. Ask for help every time you need it. Learn how to do everything your mom does for you. Cook. Clean. Organize. Schedule. Launder. Prepare. Clean up after. Communicate. Coordinate people’s tasks. Set limits. Get help with the ones you struggle with.

6.     Develop solid self-care habits and routines. Get enough sleep and exercise and eat well, because you want to do that for yourself in order to feel good and be able to be active, etc. College will give you the opportunity to gain or lose lots of weight, be fit, or not, pull all nighters doing subpar work, or not, etc. Good self-care habits will help you succeed on campus. Good self-care habits will help you make the most of the opportunities you’ll find on campus.

College is a gold mine. There are a zillion chances to meet people, learn things, try new things, go places, explore concepts, …. Be ready to make the most of this special time in your life.

 

Sound like a tall order? Need some help working your way through all that? No problem. I’ve been walking teens through all of this for years and years. I know you’re special. I look forward to helping you discover that and become amazing. Have your parents drop me an email and set up a consultation (pretty fancy word for a zoom meeting!) Let’s talk! I'm Katherine O’Brien (KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com) Want to know more about me and what I do? Check out my website: CelticCollegeConsultants.com 

What Kind of Person Does Your Teen Want to Be?

by Katherine O'Brien, ThD Candidate

Character is not a word heard around college admissions very often. How can I impress admissions? Is the top question in many students’ minds. Sadly, it is the wrong question. This is life, not a game. What matters is becoming a man or woman of good character, with defined goals, humility, and strength, strength that comes from reliance on God’s strength.

"Do not desire to be other than you are, but desire to be very well what you are."
- St. Francis de Sales

St. Francis de Sales was a bishop with a particular gift for guiding lay people on their journeys to holiness, to intimacy with God. Part of that journey is becoming yourself.

Teens are just starting this journey. This period of our lives, from 13-23, is so formative. NOW is the time to set goals, to define our character, to lay the foundation to become fully alive. It takes time to come to know one’s strengths and traits. As I work with underclassmen, this is my focus, to help each come to know themselves well, and to begin to take steps to develop their strengths, overcome their weaknesses, explore their interests, and come alive as the particular person he or she is.

"Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character." Heraclitus of Ephesus

For a man who lived over 3,000 years ago, Heraclitus certainly hit the nail on the head. Neuroscientific research has confirmed this. The more we repeat thoughts and patterns, the more deeply they are ingrained in our brains. This is also true of our thoughts. What we hear, listen to, repeat to ourselves over and over and over is what we believe. That's why changing one's mind, creating a new habit, learning something new all take time and consistent effort. We are creating new pathways in our brains.

Here's an example of how this can be done. The Boy Scouts does an amazing, powerful thing and most Scouts have no idea that it's happening. Every single Scout learns the Scout law at the beginning of his or her Scouting journey.

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

The Scout law is repeated at the beginning of every single meeting. Repetition doesn’t make the change happen. It does, however, plant the seeds, that these are traits worth having, that each Scout is there to develop.

There are many ways to inculcate character in teens. It’s worth being intentional about. I am, and have been for my entire career as a college consultant, with every single teen I’ve worked with. To learn more about my College Success Program, click here. To inquire about having me work with your teen, email me and request a consultation. KOB@CelticCollegeConsultants.com

Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you. 
- Saint Thomas Aquinas